There was a time in my life when I was a young wife and mother that I was very materialistic. I had goals that were totally separate from Tom's goals. I thought that we could live together as husband and wife and still each do what we wanted.
I wanted a social life apart from my children, whom I saw as nuisances, though I tried to cover that up with an outward show of devotion to them. (That is, people outside my family thought I was fully devoted to my children as a godly mother should be. My children knew better.) I wanted material possessions such as a new car (not an old one that Tom had to constantly work with to keep running), our own nice big house (not a rental or a fixer-upper or a sardine can of a trailer), and plenty of money for things. I also wanted an old-fashioned farm. (I still go back and forth on that one.)
Tom wanted revival.
I strove hard to reach my goals by nagging Tom to be "more efficient" with our finances. I wanted to take over the money and spend or save it my way, for what I wanted. I looked at what others had and coveted. I planned, schemed, connived.
Tom worked just as hard at reaching his goal. He prayed. He fasted. He preached--in churches, in nursing homes, in truck stops, in rescue missions, in jails, wherever the door or pulpit was open to him. He passed out tracts on street corners. He shared (or tried to share) Christ with his family. He spoke of Christ to whoever would listen.
I am ashamed to say that Tom embarrassed me.
Did I miss that verse that asks, "How can two walk together except they be agreed?" Because there were only three options for our marriage: his way, my way, or no way. My goals were so totally opposite of Tom's goals that there could be no compromising.
Once I said to him, "What is it with you and revival? I am just so sick of hearing it from you." I don't remember his answer, but I will NEVER forget the look of hurt on his face.
I continued in this materialistic frame of mind for quite a number of years. In fact, you dear Canadians who asked us to come to your church did not get a godly pastor's wife. Thank God you did get a godly pastor. But I was not on board with him at all. When some of you helped us look for a house, and he told you I wanted to live in the country, I thought, "FINALLY I get MY way!"
But since I've been here God has been gradually working in me. The work was slow because of my own reluctance, but God never gave up on me. Why not? I don't know, other than that His mercies are great.
I'm different now. God has worked in me a desire for revival in my own soul. A rather weak desire at first, but it grew a little stronger every year. I'm not there yet. I've still got a long way to go. But this desire for revival is stronger now than ever. And I know now that this world, with all its things, is NOT my home. I'm just passing through. While I'm here, my light needs to burn for Christ, that all who see it will glorify HIM, and not me.