The son who wanted a wife

And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And he came up, and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore get her for me to wife. And his father and his mother said unto him, Is there never a woman among the daughters of thy brethren, or among all my people, that thou goest to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said to his father, Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well. -- Judges 14:1-3

I think this is one of the saddest stories in the Bible. Samson could have done so much for God, but he became a playboy instead. And for the record, I personally believe Samson was a little guy who looked like a wimp. If he'd have been one of those weightlifter-body builder types like he's pictured in children's Bible story books, people would not have been so curious about where his strength came from.

In relation to our current series on courtship and marriage, there are three points I want to make here.

1. Samson saw the woman he wanted and asked his father to get her for him. There was nothing wrong with him following this process. His father would probably not have objected if only Samson had picked an Israelite woman. So courtship, in the Bible, allowed for the man to pick his own bride rather than wait for the parents or matchmakers to choose for him. The parents still arranged everything, but the son was allowed to make his choice known.

2. Samson picked the wrong woman. He went to the world instead of to God's chosen people. Granted, this was all in the providence of God, and God planned to use this against the Philistines. But God's providence should never be an excuse for sin. Never, ever should a godly man pick a worldly woman and say that God will work it for good.

3. Samson failed to follow his father's advice. Manoah knew that the Philistine woman would not be good for his son. He cautioned Samson to look among God's people for a better bride. Samson would have none of them, and insisted on having the Philistine woman. He got his way. . .or did he? Read Judges 14 and 15 for yourself and find out.

Fast forward several thousand years to the Church age. What does the New Testament say about each of these three points?

1. Choosing your own bride: Sorry, but I could not find anything in the New Testament that specifically addresses whether there should be a matchmaker involved or not. The Lord speaks highly of marriage, however, and the epistles give plenty of principles to follow for choosing the right bride and how the marriage itself should function.

2. Choosing the right bride: What kind of woman should a man choose? First and foremost she should be a Christian. 2 Corinthians 6:14 makes this very clear: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. . ." If you want to know how to tell if a woman is truly converted, read 1 John.

She should have the fruit of the spirit in practice. That fruit may not be fully developed, but it should be at least growing. Read Galatians chapter five in order to get verses 22-23 in context. Then do your own study of just exactly what each of those words means. Simply looking them up in a concordance will show you a lot, but you can get deeper.

She should be trained specifically for the role of wife and mother. Read Titus 2:4-5. Other passages to study: 1 Timothy 3:11 (specifically about deacon's wives, but can--should?--apply to any woman serving the church), 1 Peter 3:1-6, 1 Timothy 2:9-10.

3. Following godly advice, particularly that of godly parents: God gives older Christians insight that younger Christians would do well to follow. Titus 2, for example, lists things that Titus was to teach the younger men and things that older women were to teach younger women. Be teachable. Hebrews 13 speaks three times of those who have the rule over you. This can include parents, pastors, teachers, or even mentors. Verse 7 tells us to "Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation."

A godly older person can look unromantically at a prospective bride and see more clearly her faults as well as those points in her favour. He or she can help the young man determine whether those faults should be remedied before considering her for marriage, or if they are things that will work themselves out with time. A young man can ask the older women in the prospective bride's life what they think of her. But don't expect perfection. Very few (if any) younger women have achieved the high standard set in Proverbs 31:10-31. In fact, most older women are still working on that!

The man who wants a good wife will do some careful examining of the young women available. He will not rush off to marry the first pretty girl (or good cook!) he meets. He will seek the counsel of others with regard to his choice. He will also PRAY much about the matter. He will wait for God's choice for him, regardless of how long that may take. My own husband waited ten years. (He says I was worth it, and I guess Proverbs 18:22 agrees. But, oh, that I might be a better "good thing"!)

This was going to be a shorter post! Oh, well. Ruth is next. Meanwhile, here's a hint for the young women. Do you want to be chosen by a godly man? Do your own study of all the passages mentioned in this post. How do you measure up?

In the beginning

I'll not dwell on Adam and Eve themselves, but rather this comment made by God at their wedding:

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

I find this verse interesting because it implies that the man does not leave home until he marries his wife. It is safe to assume that if the man has not left home yet, neither has the woman. This cannot be classified as "cultural" because God said this at the very beginning of time, to the very first people, before they had time to establish any kind of "culture".

So let's think about this. Should men and women leave home before they marry, just because now they are adults? If they leave, what should they be doing? If they stay, what should their role in the family be, and what should they be doing? And there is something very important about the leave and cleave idea that every parent must remember.

In our western society, children are considered legal adults when they turn 18. At that point, parents cannot legally force their children to stay home. So if the children are going to stay home it will have to be a voluntary act on their part. In either case, the children should, by then, be ready to function as adults. As adults, however, they should function differently depending on whether they are men or women. Since this series is about courtship, we are going to assume that the women are planning on getting married. We will save exhortations to single women for another post.

God has designed men to be the providers and protectors and women to be the guardians of the home. For a more in-depth study of this, I highly recommend the book Different by Design by John MacArthur. (I just did a google search for this and discovered several books by that title. It is important that you remember the author's name.) In preparing for marriage, men should be practicing his provider-protector role, and women should be practicing their guardian-of-the-home role.

Men will not usually have their life's vocation settled at age 18, but they should at least be working toward financial independence when they will no longer be dependent on their parents for anything financially. This is obviously necessary if he is going to be the sole provider for a wife and family. A man should not even consider marriage or courtship until he is financially independent.

Women preparing for marriage should be focusing on all that goes into making the home a refuge for her family. She should be practicing love and obedience for her future husband by loving and obeying her father. She should be practicing love for her future children by loving and helping to care for her younger siblings. (If she has no younger siblings, she should consider babysitting; helping young mothers in her church and neighbourhood; working with younger cousins, nieces, or nephews; etc.) She should be practicing for her role as keeper at home by learning all that goes into homemaking--things like cooking/baking, sewing, cleaning, gardening, budgeting household expenses, teaching (in preparation for homeschooling), using time wisely, and a myriad of other things. She should also work on making home a peaceful place, a true refuge from the storm of the world outside.

A man preparing for marriage will need some kind of employment. Usually he will need to work for someone else first, even if he plans to eventually own his own business. Unless his family has a business, he will of necessity "leave" home to work. In preparing for financial independence, he will begin paying room and board if he stays at home with his parents. He should get his own car and pay for his own insurance, repairs, gas, etc. He should be buying his own clothes and other necessities. He should also be saving something. Of course, he will also be giving regular freewill offerings to his church.

A woman preparing for marriage will find it easiest to practice her skills by staying home and functioning as part of the family unit.

And now a word for parents--and this will be hard for many parents, especially mothers, to take. Let your adult children be adults. Treat your adult sons as men of the house. Treat your adult daughters as women in their own right. If there are underage children in the home, they should be taught to honour and respect their adult siblings just the same as any other adult. They should give the same "Yes sir" (or whatever terminology your family uses) to adult siblings as they are expected to give to any other adult.

Mothers should not be telling their sons what to do anymore, leaving that to her husband. Sons will, of course, continue to honour and respect their mothers, but mothers need to step back from her role as "authority figure" and let her son be man enough to make his own choices and decisions. If a mother senses a problem, she should alert her husband. If she has no husband, or her husband is not godly, she should enlist the help of her pastor or other trusted man in her church.

Mothers and adult daughters seem to either have really fantastic relationships where everything runs as smoothly as well-oiled machinery, or they have stormy relationships with a constant tension between them. The daughter wants to be treated as an adult, the mother wants to be the boss. I think the best thing to do is divide the labour so that each has equal "authority" (for lack of a better word) over different areas. For instance, one might be in charge of all the laundry while the other prepares all the meals. One might decide what, when and how to set up and plant the garden while the other takes over all the major cleaning. This doesn't mean they can't help each other with their different jobs, but mothers should let their adult daughters make final decisions on some things.

This is all part of the leave and cleave idea I mentioned earlier. Parents must so train their children and themselves so that when the children become adults, the parents are ready to let go of them and let them live their own lives without expecting the children to follow their unsolicited advice. Even when children do ask advice, parents must remember that the children have the right as adults to reject that advice.

This is more than enough for one post, and I've only talked about "physical" things. I haven't even mentioned spiritual maturity. Maybe I'll get into that when we talk about Samson and Ruth.

Abraham, his servant, Isaac, and Rebekah

Matchmaking was the norm in Bible times and is still practiced in much of the Middle East today. This is a cultural thing, perhaps not necessarily a Biblical mandate, so what I am writing in this post is my opinion, not a commandment.

The most beautiful matchmaking story in the Bible is found in Genesis 24. Take the time to read that if you are not familiar with the story, or even just to refresh your memory. I won't quote it all here since there are 67 verses in that chapter. Here is the basic gist of the story:

Abraham, the father, wants a bride for his son. Not just any bride, but a particular bride from his homeland. He insisted that the bride be brought to his son and was adamant that his son not go back to that land. Also, he did not want his son marrying into the Canaanite tribes around them. Since he did not want his son to go back to his homeland, Abraham sent his most trusted servant to choose the bride and bring her back.

This servant is not named but is commonly believed to be Eliezer (see Genesis 15:2). If so, this is the servant who would have inherited all of Abraham's possessions if Isaac had not been born. He had every reason, from a worldly standpoint, to be jealous of Isaac and to perhaps seek revenge by purposely getting him the wrong woman. Instead, he was a very godly servant, fully devoted to both Abraham and Isaac. He asked God's guidance in getting just the right bride for Isaac. His stipulation was that she be willing--even eager--to serve. (Hauling water for one thirsty camel is quite a chore, let alone for the dozen or more that Eliezer had with him.)

In this story, Isaac is not involved until the very end when he meets Rebekah, hears the servant's account, and takes Rebekah as his wife. The most significant point about Isaac is that he loved her.

Rebekah was the chosen bride. She was obviously God's choice for Isaac, and she knew it. But she was not dragged, kicking and screaming, from her home. She went willingly. Her family tried to detain her, and even left the choice up to her, perhaps expecting her to refuse. But she chose to obey God.

So what do I glean from this, to apply to my own family?

1. The part of Isaac not being allowed to make the choice for himself is a cultural thing. I'm not sure I would have the courage to do the choosing for my children. I would want my children to be more involved than Isaac was. However, I think Isaac could have had the right to reject Rebekah. It was not until after he heard the servant's story that he took Rebekah as his wife. He, too, must have recognized God's hand and accepted His choice.

2. Rebekah's parents did not force her to go to Isaac. She was given the opportunity to refuse. If my daughter has a problem with someone who I think would be a fine choice, she would be expected to speak up about it. Some men put on a good face for the parents, but the woman might know better. On the other hand, parents who are not godly (Rebekah's probably were not) may not be able to recognize God's choice. A godly woman will need the courage to follow God's clear direction even if her ungodly parents would rather she married someone else.

3. Isaac and Rebekah were married almost immediately. Both were ready. They were old enough, they were mature enough, they were fully prepared materially to start a home together. I do not agree with the current trend of boys and girls getting to know each other, sometimes far too intimately, before they are old enough and responsible enough to seriously consider marriage.

4. Rebekah did not make the first move. If a man is to be truly head of the home, the woman must not start out by making this important first decision for him. The man should be man enough to begin the process himself with God's guidance.

There are more principles I would like to state, but that will wait for another post when we look at the first marriage, Samson, and Ruth.

Courtship vs. dating

courtship: A man's courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman (usually with the hope of marriage)
--WordWeb

I tried to look up the word "dating" so I could compare the two, but all I could come up with was a different definition for every website/person. There appear to be two levels to this.

First is dating, which can be anywhere from "casual" to "serious". The idea of dating is to go someplace to "have fun" together (eating, bowling, biking, visiting museums, that sort of thing) to see if you are "compatible" with the other person. At this stage, you can date any number of people you want. If you find that you are "compatible" with someone, then you can move on to the next stage.

The second stage is "relationship" or "going steady". These terms mean that you have committed yourself to the other person in a "more serious" way. This is when you start thinking "long-term". You are going to stop "seeing" other people and give yourself exclusively to the one person chosen.

There are two problems with the dating-relationship scenario. The first problem, acknowledged by almost everyone you might ask, is that it is hard to tell when you stop "dating" and start "having a relationship". The two people involved may have different opinions about this with one thinking they are still in the "casual dating" stage, and the other thinking they are "in a relationship". This confusion obviously can lead to many misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

The second problem, which almost nobody recognizes, is that there is no third stage called "marriage". Whatever "rules" there may be for either stage do not exclude bedding down together at any point, although most people seem to agree that this is not something you do until you've been on at least three "dates" together.

Courtship, on the other hand, has one goal in mind: marriage for life. But just as dating has many definitions in the worldly setting, so courtship has many definitions in the Christian setting. On one end of the spectrum, you have the matchmaker(s), sometimes hired by the parents, sometimes the parents themselves, deciding who should marry whom, and setting it all up before the "couple" even get to meet. The "couple" in this case may or may not have veto rights.

At the other end of the spectrum, the couple get together on their own, with or without outside encouragement, with the definite attitude that they are looking for a marriage partner, not a "relationship" or mere friendship. Once they have settled the fact that they will marry, they are expected to get parental permission at least from the woman's family.

All along the courtship spectrum there are varying degrees of family involvement. One thing is constant though: the woman NEVER takes the initiative. Whether there are matchmakers, parents, or the man himself doing the choosing, the woman always is waiting (hoping?) to be chosen.

As mother of four teenagers (including one who is about to leave his teen years), two "tweeners", two preschoolers, one toddler, and one still-in-development infant, I am very much interested in this important subject. My next post will attempt to define my personal thoughts about this.

Broken and Spilled Out

This is for Jill, who is willing to be broken for Christ's sake.

Broken and Spilled Out
by Steve Green

One day a plain village woman
Driven by love for her Lord
Recklessly poured out a valuable essence
Disregarding the scorn
And once it was broken and spilled out
A fragrance filled all the room
Like a prisoner released from his shackles
Like a spirit set free from the tomb

Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you, Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee

Lord you were God's precious treasure
His loved and his own perfect Son
Sent here to show me the love of the Father
Just for love it was done
And though you were perfect and holy
You gave up yourself willingly
You spared no expense for my pardon
You were used up and wasted for me

Broken and spilled out
Just for love of me Jesus
God's most precious treasure
Lavished on me
Broken and spilled out
And poured at my feet
In sweet abandon
Lord you were spilled out
And used up for me

Hello, goodbye

Tom and I just got home from trying to comfort a young mother who lost her 6-month-old baby today.

The first thing this mother said to me when we got there was her hope that the Lord would use this to save her lost husband. She didn't want to lose her son, but was willing for God to use even that if that's what it would take to bring her husband to faith in Christ.

As we talked and grieved together, she told us of this song that was going through her mind, by Michael W. Smith:

Noah

Where's the navigator of your destiny?
Where is the dealer of this hand?
Who can explain life and its brevity
cause there is nothing here that I can understand

You and I have barely met
And I just dont want to let go of you yet

Noah, hello, goodbye
I will see you on the other side
Noah, sweet child of mine
I will see you on the other side

And so I hold your tiny hand in mine
For the hardest thing I've ever had to face
Heaven calls for you before it calls for me
When you get there, save me a place

A place where I can share your smile
And I can hold you for more than just a while

Noah, hello, goodbye
I will see you on the other side
Noah, sweet child of mine
I will see you on the other side

Will all who read this post please join us in prayer for this grieving family? Besides the child's father, there are a number of others on both sides of the family who are lost.

Mormonism exposed

Since I am home sick today, Tom gave me this link about Mormonism to watch. He is currently taking the adult Sunday school class through a series on various cults, and found this in his research on Mormonism, otherwise known as the Church of Jesus Christ, Latter Day Saints.

If you know a Mormon, if you are considering the Mormon religion, if you are a practicing Mormon, or if you just want to know more about the Mormon faith--especially the dark side that the Mormon church does not want you to know about--please watch this film. You will need to set aside time for it; it is 1 hour and 22 minutes long. But it is very well worth the time. I'm adding it to the "Must See Videos" list in my sidebar.

Another Sunday sick at home

Here I am, home again on a Sunday. I am getting really tired of us being sick so much. Nathanael missed two or three days of work this week. Ben has a sore throat and a runny nose. Timmy's nose is runny. I have this cough that just won't go away. Abby is better now, but she had a cold this week that kept her home from Wednesday night prayer meeting.

I am asking all of you to pray for us. We have never been sick so much as we have been since moving to this house. I suspect part of it is the mold problem we have, caused by condensation on the insides of the outside walls. We had hoped to start ripping the insides of this house apart last summer, replacing insulation, putting in vapor barriers, and putting up all new sheet rock, etc., inside. Two things stopped us. One was that we decided it was more urgent to get Nathanael and Josiah out of the boys' room, since there were six boys crammed into one room. So we remodelled the garage into two small bedrooms for them. They needed heat out there, meaning a small furnace was needed, and electricity, meaning some wiring.

The other thing that stopped us, and is still stopping us, is that our roof leaks. Is it coincidence that the roof leaks on the same side of the house where all the mold is? I don't know enough about houses to answer that. But we definitely need to repair the roof before we do anything inside.

I hope the rest of you have a good Lord's Day. May God bless the preaching in churches this morning.

Resolved

I am resolved no longer to linger,
Charmed by the world's delight;
Things that are higher, things that are nobler--
These have allured my sight.

I am resolved, and who will go with me?
Come, friends, without delay;
Taught by the Bible, led by the Spirit,
We'll walk the heav'nly way.

--Palmer Hartsough, from "I Am Resolved", a hymn of commitment

Today is the first day of a new year. It is a time when many people claim a fresh start, either to break a bad habit or to establish a good habit. Most people break their New Year's resolutions within the first couple of days. But still, it's not necessarily a bad idea to think of the new year as a time to resolve to change some things in our lives. The key to making it actually work is to depend on Christ for the strength to follow through with the resolution, and to seek His grace to help us get back on track when we fail. Another help is to tell people our resolutions and to ask them to keep us accountable to them.

In my lifetime of almost 42 years, I have actually kept two New Year's resolutions. The first was probably about six years ago. I wasted a lot of time playing computer games. True, I did some of this with my children, but many hours were wasted that could have been more profitably used. So I resolved not to play a single computer game for an entire year. God helped me keep that resolution. Not once during that year did I play a computer game. When the year was over, the habit was broken. Now I might play one every now and then, but the hold those games had on me is gone.

The second resolution I kept was the next year, I think. I had never read the Bible through in one year, so I resolved to do that. I started in Genesis 1 on January 1st of that year, and finished the last chapter of Revelation on the last day of December. There were days when I missed reading for various reasons, but I was always able to make that up. It was such a blessing, and helped to establish a daily reading habit I had not had before.

Today I am making three resolutions. By God's grace, I hope to keep them.

1. Spiritual: I resolve to set aside one extra hour each week for prayer. This is in addition to what I already do as part of my daily devotions, times of public prayer with our church family, and times of family prayer. I'm not sure where I will get that hour, but I've got a couple of ideas.

2. Physical: I resolve not to eat any foods containing any refined sugar of any kind. I have been plagued with one cold after another for about 4 months. Since the end of September, I have spent half my Sundays at home instead of in church because of sickness. Same for Wednesday night prayer meetings. Since even a little sugar can lower your immune system for several hours, it makes sense to me to cut the sugar out if I want to be healthier. This will mean reading labels to watch for sucrose, glucose, and a host of other "-ose's", corn syrup, modified corn syrup, and a bunch of other words that simply mean "sugar". Even molasses is a refined sweetner, though many people think of it as a healthy alternative. This year I am sticking with honey and fruit.

3. Emotional: I resolve to -- sorry, but I don't have the courage to post this one at this point. I'll let you know more about it later. I will tell you that it has to do with motherhood.

May God bless you in the new year.

A letter from the past....

My son Josiah is back to blogging, finally. His latest post contains an old letter, written toward the end of World War I. It is written by my great-uncle, who was stationed in New York City, to his younger sister, who became my grandmother. This letter contains great advice to young girls who are not yet married. Hopefully I've whetted your appetite enough for you to read the letter here.

In my opinion, my grandmother followed her brother's advice. I can't think of a better, more godly human being than my grandfather, who was my very bestest friend until he died when I was 14. His was an unconditional love that knew no bounds.

Quietness

It is a quiet Sunday morning, and I am sitting at the computer munching toast with butter and honey, and drinking cinnamon stick tea. At my next midwife appointment I am to have a glucose test done. My glucose level is in the normal range, but since it's on the high end of normal, they want to run the test. Meanwhile, I found this article about cinnamon, hence the cinnamon stick tea.

I have had a quiet two-and-a-half hours, reading, praying, reviewing my Sunday school lesson, and doing some laundry. Laundry is not a normal Sunday morning activity, but I had to do diapers, underwear and socks, plus a skirt I needed for this morning. I did laundry yesterday, but ran out of time to get it finished.

There is this verse that keeps going through my head: "She riseth also while it is yet night...." (Proverbs 31:15). Since in this part of Canada the sun does not rise in winter until close to 8 a.m., it is technically possible to fulfill this verse and still sleep in a little during the winter. In the summer, though, the sun rises between 4 and 4:30 a.m., making things a little harder. I decided to get up at 4 a.m. this morning and see how far into the day I can go before I begin to fall asleep. I really want to get up early to have the quiet house to myself, and prepare my heart for the day ahead.

Now I need to go wake up whoever needs a shower and get them moving. And it's time for me to take the dog for a walk. No, not Sarah's puppy. She is too much for me to handle. I take Snickers, who is a little older. But even he tugs the leash wanting to run.

Have a good Sunday, everyone.

Run, trip, get up and GO

Joseph, a regular contributor on my daughter's blog, has started a blog of his own. Joseph is the 15-year-old son of one of my very closest friends. I have known him since he was almost eight years old, when we first came to Canada to candidate at his church. (Well, actually Tom candidated, not me.)

It has been refreshing to me to watch Joseph grow spiritually over the years. He has a true heart for God and a burden for his own country, the people of Canada. Really, this is a dead place, and it wouldn't surprise me if, instead of sending missionaries in the past (Jonathan Goforth, Isobel Kuhn) we don't start receiving missionaries.

Please check out his blog. The titles for this post comes from the URL for his blog. I like it, because it really describes the Christian walk so well.

http://runtripgetupandgo.blogspot.com/

Family fun in the snow

About 2-3 miles from our house is a string of islands in the St. Lawrence River. In the summer, these islands are filled with campers and swimmers, and you have to pay to drive in for your fun. But in winter you can cross-country ski, snow shoe, hike, sled, or whatever, without paying. The first island has a large hill that is a popular sliding hill. That's where we went this afternoon.

Thanks to the record snowstorm that came through over the weekend and caused us to cancel church services Sunday, there was a LOT of snow on the hill. Here are the few pictures I was able to get before the camera batteries died.















Coming up the hill. You can see the Canadian side of the river at the bottom of the hill.
















Josiah with John and Timothy. We have a shortage of sleds (the tobaggon in the background did not work well, being unwaxed), so Josiah used an extra large trash bag instead. It worked really well, and the little boys really liked it.
















Lizzie getting started on a GT at the top of the hill.
















Lizzie is the small dot at the bottom of the hill. This picture helps you see just how steep/long the hill is.
















Abby, getting started on a snow board.

I wanted to get more shots of them actually coming down the hill, especially some of the upsets at the bottom, but the batteries on the camera died. Lizzie and John came down together on a GT, but John, age 3, is not good at steering a GT. They hit a bump, flew into the air, and came down all tangled up in each other. Lizzie landed on top of John, but the only thing John was mad about was that he got snow on his face. At the same time, Timmy had upset in a tumble I did not witness, so I took both boys to the van to warm up. We drove around the islands for a little while, and my camera batteries revived for one last shot:














This is the St. Lawrence River, looking south to New York state. Barely visible is the part of the river that has not iced over yet. If the weather stays very cold (today was 18 degrees Fahrenheit), the river will probably freeze over.

Next year I want to invest in some cross-country skis.

When should a person get married?

My friend Christy is getting married the end of this month. We all wish her well as she begins a new, somewhat scary, thrilling time of her life. Those of us who are married will surely remember the joyful frenzy of those last few days and weeks before the big day.

Do you married women remember all the comments and suggestions we all received by well-meaning individuals who questioned our decisions? In my case, I was asked these questions:

• Are you sure you've known him long enough? (1st date to wedding day: 5 months, 7 days)
• Isn't he too old for you? (he is 10 years, 5 months older)
• Can't you have a church wedding and invite more people? (no, my parents were in the middle of packing for a major move, and we didn't really want to wait)
• You should enjoy your engagement period, and not rush things.

My friend Christy went against the flow and decided to have a Friday evening wedding instead of a more "traditional" Saturday afternoon wedding. You go, Christy! I like your idea. Too much excitement on Saturday tires people out for Sunday, anyway. I got married on a Thursday. Thanksgiving Thursday, to be exact. My family enjoyed it, and it wasn't too stressful for my mother. For me, that was important.

From my mother

I don't usually post twice in one day, but I just got this e-mail from my mother. These stories and more were part of my heritage, and a testimony of how God really does answer prayer. Here are my mother's own words:

When you were born I woke up from the ether and looked around. You were in a bassinet with several doctors and nurses all around you. Someone was holding up a little blue foot. A nurse noticed that I was looking and came over and told me that you had not breathed for several minutes. I remember very distinctly talking to my Heavenly Father and saying, "She is yours, if you want her with you, you can take her." Two very dear friends had prayed for me the night before when I was in labor and prayed again in the morning when you were being born. They did not even know that I was in the hospital. God did not take you.

When you were nearly 3, you had a very severe ear infection. The dr. said that it needed to be lanced but that I should take you home and bring you back in the morning. (the inflammation was very bad, I guess he wanted it to settle down a bit with an antibiotic.) That night you cried with the pain and I held you and talked with my Heavenly Father again. You finally quieted down and went to sleep. The next morning we took you to the doctor and as soon as he looked at your ear he said there was nothing wrong with it.

When you were about 4 you were sick and had a fever. I worked in Pediatrics at the time so I thought we should take you to the Emergency Room. They knew that I was a nurse and told me to take you home and watch you. You went sound asleep. After awhile you woke up and your temperature was down some and you were crying. When we asked you why you were crying, you said that Jesus was there and He left without you.

This led me to believe that you had something to do in this world that was in God's plan.

A little bit of this and that

It's cold. Other people have cozy wood stoves, but we do not--yet. Lord willing, with some remodeling done this coming spring and summer, we will have a wood stove for next year. Our plans also include a closed-in front porch for taking off boots and hanging up winter gear. If code allows, we will feed the stove pipe out through the porch and up through the porch roof so there can be a tiny bit of heat out there. It will also be a good place to store wood, but maybe we'll work something else out for that.

We have had snow upon snow upon snow, with more snow coming over the weekend. I like the snow, but since we went to two vehicles, I'm driving in it more. It isn't always the most pleasant experience!

I have been posting a lot of old school books on ebay canada. Out of 40 items, there has been only one bid. If anybody knows a better place to sell home school materials, let me know. I still have about 30 items to put on.

We got a "new" refrigerator/freezer from friends who went Mennonite and are getting rid of most of their electrical appliances. We put our old fridge/freezer in the cellar for extra storage, and put the upright freezer in the Penny Grader for sale. At some point, I'd like to get a small chest freezer, but for now I think we are okay with what we have.

They also gave us their front-loading washer and a dryer. We are keeping our old washer and dryer to help us get laundry done faster. Maybe now we won't have to wash clothes every day. I'd like very much to go back to twice a week washings. And if we can get the wood stove in next year, I'll be able to set up racks to dry clothes overnight. If we do that, I will do one big load every evening or so, hang it to dry overnight, and fold it in the morning.

All this means that from yesterday afternoon till now, the kitchen has been a maze of appliances, with removed room doors lying in the girls' room and the cellar access torn up to make room for the stuff that went down there. Mostly we're back to normal, with just the big freezer to move out to the deck for now. There is more space in the kitchen with only one big appliance instead of two.

Has anybody ever tried to put eleven people in a two-bedroom, one-bath house? It's fun, cozy, crowded, noisy, cluttered, sometimes messy, and full. Putting the two oldest out in the garage this summer freed up some space. Still, there are four boys in what is supposed to be a family room, three girls in the larger bedroom, and Tom and me in the smaller bedroom. Where will the new baby go? Well, we asked ourselves that before Timothy was born, and found room for him. I'm sure Baby will fit himself in just fine.

We have decided to go ahead with our original plans to remodel this place for sale, and use the profits to buy a place with a bit more land. We will get a prefab as unfinished as possible, do as much of the work as we can ourselves, and gradually work toward having a small farm. I had actually given up on the farm idea, thinking that was not God's plan for us. But recently Tom, a confirmed city boy, has had different ideas. He wants us to grow more of our own food, including milk and meat, so as to have as natural a diet as possible, with as little food processing as possible.

Only the Lord knows what is ahead for us in the next few years. We are taking one day at a time, but with a goal in mind now that was not so solidified previously. There is more that can be said, but I don't have the words for it right now. Something to do with peace, contentment, trust, submission, and other similar words. I'll mull that over in my mind and see if I can verbalize it in a later post.

More about being home

We are all home now. We brought Timmy home last night. At first, it was hard. He didn't even want his brothers and sisters to come near him. But then Sarah took him away from clinging to me and made friends with him again. After that he was okay.

They think now that he might have asthma, but there has to be three episodes of wheeze before he's officially diagnosed. He's on a puffer for the first 24 hours, then as needed. He is supposed to have it with him (like in the diaper bag) wherever he goes, just in case. Since it was a cold that set him off this time, we are supposed to give him the puffer every four hours during a cold.

It is cold and wet and rainy. We are going to work inside the house today, attacking dust, mold and clutter, and increasing the air flow. Tom put in another cold air return for the furnace Tuesday, and already the air flow is better. Saturday, while Timmy was in the hospital the first day, Tom cleaned the boys' room (the four younger ones share a room). He discovered that Ben had been collecting, in boxes, birds' nests, bird seed, and garden soil! He cleared all that out, washed walls and the floor, raised the dressers up on 2X4s, washed bedding, and bought new pillows for John and Timothy. He said there was mold in there, but since that's the room with the new cold air return, he's hoping that will fix the moisture problem.

I will be so glad when we can start remodeling the inside of this house. Besides the cold air return, we need better insulation and moisture barriers. It is the outside walls in three or four rooms that are getting wet and moldy.

I've got to get going. We all slept in this morning, but now Timmy needs his last dose of steroid medicine and a puffer, John needs his antibiotic and steroid doses, and we all need breakfast.

Thanks for all the prayers during the last week.

Home

It is nice to be home, with no one in the hospital. It is nice to be able to sleep in my own bed. It is nice to have other people for Timmy to cling to. It is nice to have friends who go beyond the call of duty in time of need. It is nice to be done sharing four days of isolation with a toddler.

And I never thought I'd say this, but it's nice to have something to eat other than Pizza Pizza or Mr. Sub from a hospital cafeteria (and nice not to have to pay their wretchedly high prices).

What is NOT nice is that maybe it was asthma all along, and now my toddler has to carry a puffer with him everywhere he goes. Doctor's orders.

John, Timothy and two hospitals (this is a loooong post)

Thursday Timmy started coughing. Friday, John started coughing, and Timmy started wheezing. So we said no Bible Club for them Friday night. They're too young anyway, but I'm one of the drivers. While we were discussing how we would work the transportation, the Bible Club leaders called and canceled for this week.

Friday night Timmy got worse. He was up in the night crying, coughing, wheezing. Tom moved to the couch to give Timmy bed space with me. I basically got very little sleep since when Timmy was awake he was coughing and very restless. When he was asleep, he was coughing and wheezing. A mother can't sleep when her baby is so sick.

Saturday morning we prepared to take Timmy to emergency. We discussed taking John, too, but decided to wait since he wasn't that bad. On the way to emergency we noticed that the walk-in clinic was open so we decided to stop there first. They ended up sending us to emergency anyway, so off we went.

Saturday noon Timmy was admitted to the hospital with either severe asthma or bronchiolitis. They wanted to say asthma, but since there is no family history of asthma, they settled on bronchiolitis. Either way, it got worse as the day wore on till by midnight Timmy was really gasping for air. They were only giving oxygen with a medicated mist about every 2 to 4 hours, and in between Timmy was mostly awake, struggling to breathe. They finally put him under an oxygen tent, but even that did not help. By 4 a.m. I was so sleep-deprived I couldn't think straight, so they sent me to an empty room to sleep.

While I was sleeping they called the doctor, who ordered oxygen all the time. They put a mask on him, but after I woke up around 7-ish they switched to using an oxygen tube with nasal prongs. The problem was that they only had newborn sized prongs, which were way too small, or adult sized, which were way too big. They put the newborn size on him, but it was not a good fit. He ended up with a mask on top of the prongs, which I thought ridiculous, but they thought he would get more oxygen that way.

Sunday morning, the doctor came, first thing, to see him. He decided to send Timmy to CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario) in Ottawa. CHEO is a fantastic place, much better equipped and staffed than our local hospital, so I was actually relieved to hear this news. (The nurses expected me to be devastated.) I called Tom at home to tell him the news. He was busy getting children out the door to go to church, so he said it wouldn't take long to get there, since they were just about to leave anyway.

Tom dropped some children off at church (friends were coming to pick up the rest--we go everywhere in two vehicles now, and none of the children are licensed yet). He was in the church parking lot when he saw the orange helicopter-ambulance fly overhead. He got to the hospital just in time to greet the EMTs coming in with their stretcher to take Timothy. It took them about half an hour for them to get everything settled. During that time, the nurses and I convinced Tom to let someone else lead services and preach. We really did not have to do much convincing; he was more than ready to go along with the idea.

After they took Timothy away, Tom and I came back to the house to pick up some things, switch vehicles, and send a few urgent e-mails. (As we were driving out of Cornwall, we saw the helicopter in the air headed for CHEO. Tom wished for a camera.) We also had to check on the turkey someone gave us, which was in the oven cooking for Sunday dinner. As we pulled up, Nathanael came out of the garage, wondering why he wasn't taken to church. In the confusion, he had been left behind! Tom told him to stay home, mind the turkey and answer the phone. We didn't have time to take him back to church.

We stopped for gas and to put air in the tires, so I took the time to call Sarah at church to explain what was happening, and to make suggestions for them for the afternoon. Sarah reported that John had started wheezing. Well, what to do now? We were close enough still that we decided to go back to the church to check John, and see how bad he was. We decided that Tom would take me to Ottawa, see us settled in, then come back to take John in to Cornwall emergency. He was wheezing, but not nearly as bad as Timmy. We left his health card with Sarah, with instructions for her and Nathanael to take John to emergency themselves if they thought he needed to go. One of the women in the church was asked to help them make that decision and give them transportation if needed.

Thankfully, they were able to wait for Tom to get back. So while Tom was in Cornwall with John, I prepared to spend my third sleepless night with Timothy at CHEO. As I said, this place is fantastic. Timothy was given nasal prongs that fit, but when he started pulling at them they switched back to the mask. He hated the prongs and loved the mask. He seemed to know that it was helping him breathe, so whenever it slipped out of place he put it right back again.

By the time the night staff came on at 7:30, Timothy was already improving. He even ate some supper, the first meal he'd eaten since Friday night. Although he did much better through the night at CHEO than in Cornwall, neither of us slept much. He clung to me, practically crawling up and over my shoulders in his effort to get away from all these strange people who kept poking needles into him, prodding him with stethoscopes and staring at him through strange face masks. I tried to explain to him that these people were friends who wanted to help him get better, but a 20-month-old baby can't fathom "friends" poking him and taking his blood away.

He was on ventilation with medicated mist for about ten minutes every hour all through the night, with regular oxygen in between. He and I both tried to sleep in between mistings, but there was a problem. He would only sleep in my arms while I rocked him, and I could only sleep on the cot they set up for me.

Meanwhile, John was admitted in Cornwall. Tom got to sleep on a bed in John's room, only waking for mistings every two hours. The nurses kept doing double takes, seeing Tom back again so soon. ("Newton? Didn't we just send you to CHEO?" "No, that was Timothy. This is John.")

Monday morning, Timothy had me stuck. If I went out of his sight, he cried. Too much crying made his lungs tighten up, so I tried not to make him cry. The problem was, I needed sleep desperately. Friends who live in Ottawa had offered to let me sleep at their house, but I couldn't leave the room long enough to use the phone. Finally someone brought Timothy some toys. One of the nurses was able to play with him while I left to call the Tessiers. Luc volunteered to take the day off work to stay with Timmy (he said his boss owed him tons of time) while Sylvia took me home, fed me and put me to bed.

Actually, their 4-and-a-half-year-old daughter put me to bed in her room. I slept for about three hours, then called home to check on John. By that time he had been discharged and Tom had had time to take a short nap. He came up to Ottawa then. Timothy kept improving, keeping himself out of the ICU one doctor had threatened him with.

He has a lot of energy, but is still tied down with a mass of cords, wires and tubes. They had taped his IV needle VERY securely so that he couldn't pull it out, but he still managed to pull the connection apart twice, splattering blood everywhere. He gleefully threw all his toys out of his crib, and Tom put the rails up just before he could throw himself out. Then he stood up and paced his crib, tromping on cords and wires, and setting his monitors to beeping. We sat him down, and he set to work trying to pull the sticky pad lung monitors off his chest.

I helped Tom decide that I was the one who needed sleep the most, even though he wanted to go home and make sure John went through the night okay. We decided that I would stay at the Tessiers for the night, but first I called home to check on everyone. Sarah and Josiah reported that John refused to take one of his meds, and only took the other over strong protest. The meds are given only every twelve hours, so I decided to come home for the night, make sure John took his meds in the morning, and come back to CHEO so that Tom could come home, sleep, and make sure John took his meds.

The Tessiers brought me home since I was too sleep-deprived to drive that far (over an hour one way) in the dark and in the rain that turned to snow and then back to rain again. So here I am at home. It is late, but I could not settle to sleep right away. I've been home for about three hours, heard all the news, told all my news, reassured the children, and put an already asleep John in my bed for the night. Tomorrow after breakfast I will go back to CHEO with our van.

I don't know when they will let Timmy come home. They say he has to stay until he can go without the oxygen mask. Right now he's off it when he's awake, but has to have it in his sleep. They planned to stretch the mistings to every two hours overnight, but they don't want to push it. I would guess that he won't be home before Wednesday. I will find out tomorrow.

Now I think I can sleep. Don't anybody wake me up in the morning. I'll get up when I'm ready to get up.

21 years

Today is our 21st anniversary. We have been so blessed. We have nine healthy children and the tenth doing fine as he gets ready to enter the world next spring. There has never been anything so majorly wrong that the Lord has not helped us overcome by His grace. Our marriage has not exactly been total bliss (what marriage is?) but it has been wonderful. We look forward to however many more years God gives us.

We got such a snowstorm that Tom postponed our night away until next week. But we did go out to breakfast and out to supper. When we got home from supper out, the children surprised us with an ice cream anniversary cake from Dairy Queen!

Since we don't do anything for Christmas anymore, we have started a new family tradition. The week of our anniversary (always the week of American Thanksgiving) we have a family holiday with no school. Hopefully as the years go by and the children begin having families of their own, they will be able to come home for a family reunion every year or so. They may not all be able to come every year, but it will still be a special time. Of course, we will need a bigger house by then (perhaps a small hotel?) since this is the wrong time of year for camping the children out in tents.

Anyway, the children are enjoying their week off from school. The snowstorm couldn't have come at a better time. They had a great time in the snow. I took Timmy out for a little while, but he couldn't walk very well in it. He'd go a few steps, fall on his face, say, "Up, up!" I'd help him up, and he'd walk a few steps, fall on his face, etc., over and over. Finally I got him to the neighbour's driveway where he could walk better. Then he said, "Bite, bite!" plunked himself down on his face and started eating the snow! I carried him over to where the others were building a fort. Then his boots kept coming off, so I took him back inside.

Elizabeth needed boots, so we got her some new ones while we were in town for breakfast. Later, we spent half an hour (no exaggeration) trying to unzip her coat (which was a bit too small anyway). So we got her a practically brand new coat at Value Village for just under $10. It's even purple, to match her snow pants. (The old one was red.)

The children and I spent most of the afternoon trying to rearrange the living room to make room for a space for boots and a rack for hanging up coats/mitts/snow pants. We have a small living room, and too much furniture, so it was a tricky thing to arrange it all. I had to take out the coffee table and my sewing table to make the rest fit.

This has been a most unique anniversary! But fun. I got boots today, too. Now I need to figure out what I can wear in the snow. Pajama pants under a dress wasn't really warm enough. The neighbours (not to mention my children) would probably go into shock if I put snow pants on. Last year Chelsea from next door was shocked to find that I would wear sweat pants under my dress. I can just imagine what she'd say about snow pants without a dress!

I am going to put the turkey in the oven to slow-roast overnight. We will have American Thanksgiving dinner a day late. This year sickness made us miss our annual Canadian Thanksgiving in October, but normally we have two Thanksgiving dinners every year. Just one of the side benefits of being U.S. citizens in a different country!