And I think some of the rest of you will be able to relate...
Even the best of changes can be confusing.
After Tom and I got married I moved with him from Pennsylvania to Georgia. Three days after the wedding I was in a new church for the first time meeting all sorts of new people. I don't know how many people came up to me that morning, introducing themselves, and eager to meet "Tom's new wife." I had to constantly remember that I was Cathy Newton now, not Cathy Smith.
At one point, someone introduced herself and my mind went completely blank. I looked up at Tom and asked, "What's my name?"
In the weeks to follow, I sure did learn my name, and no forgetting it. The paperwork seemed endless as I stood in line to change my name on all sorts of documents including driver's license and social security card. Later, though, I was thankful I did not own a house, a car, or any other major possession. The paper work involved in changing all those documents (mortgages, licenses, insurance, utilities, etc.) is the reason given for why the province of Quebec made it illegal for a woman to take her husband's name upon marriage.
Showing posts with label My courtship and marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My courtship and marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Thursday, December 21, 2006
October 1986 -- The List (Part Nine)
This is the key to this whole story, and I almost forgot to put it in!
If you have been following the story of my courtship and marriage, you may remember the list I compiled, mentioned in this post. This was a list of characteristics I wanted in a husband. I made the list the summer before Tom and I got together, put it away in a box, and eventually forgot about it.
Once Tom and I set the date for our marriage, I began to sort all my stuff, packing what I needed to ship to Georgia (where Tom had already gone to prepare a home for us), and packing what I didn't need to leave with my parents. As I was sorting through one box, I came across the list. I read through it and was absolutely astounded that God had given me every single characteristic I asked for, in Tom! Even the frivolous ones that my dad said shouldn't matter. I wish I had that list now. I have no idea what happened to it, but here are the ones I can remember (I think originally there were seven):
1. He must be a Christian.
2. He must be a Calvinistic Baptist.
3. He must be a pastor.
4. He must have brown, curly hair.
5. He must have blue eyes.
Now, a word about Number Three:
Tom really didn't know about being a pastor. He was a bit reluctant to seriously consider this as a career choice, so I was taking this by faith.
You may remember that God had made it plain to Tom that He wanted Tom to do a certain thing, and Tom said no. It was at this point that Tom says the lights went out and he was plunged into spiritual darkness until he said yes and obeyed the Lord. What was it God wanted Tom to do? I know you're curious, and since it has everything to do with this story, I'll tell you.
God wanted Tom to go to Georgia and attend what was then Mt. Pisgah Baptist Church. (It is now Peachtree Baptist Church.) They have a college and seminary there, and we planned for Tom to start classes there. By this time, Tom had no problem attending Mt. Pisgah, but he continued to wrestle with the idea of taking classes. Since he had run his own bookstore, he had read a lot, and was mostly self-taught in matters of theology. We began to realize that Tom had practically all the book learning he needed; what he lacked was practice, and experience with a biblically functioning local church.
In Georgia, we learned how a local church should function. (To this day we hold Peachtree Baptist up as an example of how a church should function, and recommend their college/seminary to every young person who asks our opinion--and to some who don't ;) .) We spent five years there, during which time Tom preached in the jails, in the nursing home, and in chapel services at the Christian day school. He also taught high school math and science in the school, and learned definitely that teaching math and science was NOT what he was to do. Sometimes he also taught the adult Sunday school class.
By the time we left Georgia, we had developed a burden for church planting, and were ready to head for Canada to work with Native Peoples. The Lord had a round-about way of getting us to Canada, however. First we went to Ohio to work with Tom's home church. That did not go well, so we moved to Texas. From there we were sent to New York state, where we tried to start a church. This door did not open up for us, though we tried to keep at it, praying all the while for God to give us direction. In answer, God used a can of beer in a Walmart parking lot to lead us to the church where we now are, in Canada. (We are not specifically working with Native Peoples, but there is a reservation nearby, for which we are praying.)
On September 3, 2000, Tom preached his first sermon as pastor of Calvary Baptist Church, thus fulfilling Number Three on my list.
"The LORD hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad" (Psalm 126:3).
If you have been following the story of my courtship and marriage, you may remember the list I compiled, mentioned in this post. This was a list of characteristics I wanted in a husband. I made the list the summer before Tom and I got together, put it away in a box, and eventually forgot about it.
Once Tom and I set the date for our marriage, I began to sort all my stuff, packing what I needed to ship to Georgia (where Tom had already gone to prepare a home for us), and packing what I didn't need to leave with my parents. As I was sorting through one box, I came across the list. I read through it and was absolutely astounded that God had given me every single characteristic I asked for, in Tom! Even the frivolous ones that my dad said shouldn't matter. I wish I had that list now. I have no idea what happened to it, but here are the ones I can remember (I think originally there were seven):
1. He must be a Christian.
2. He must be a Calvinistic Baptist.
3. He must be a pastor.
4. He must have brown, curly hair.
5. He must have blue eyes.
Now, a word about Number Three:
Tom really didn't know about being a pastor. He was a bit reluctant to seriously consider this as a career choice, so I was taking this by faith.
You may remember that God had made it plain to Tom that He wanted Tom to do a certain thing, and Tom said no. It was at this point that Tom says the lights went out and he was plunged into spiritual darkness until he said yes and obeyed the Lord. What was it God wanted Tom to do? I know you're curious, and since it has everything to do with this story, I'll tell you.
God wanted Tom to go to Georgia and attend what was then Mt. Pisgah Baptist Church. (It is now Peachtree Baptist Church.) They have a college and seminary there, and we planned for Tom to start classes there. By this time, Tom had no problem attending Mt. Pisgah, but he continued to wrestle with the idea of taking classes. Since he had run his own bookstore, he had read a lot, and was mostly self-taught in matters of theology. We began to realize that Tom had practically all the book learning he needed; what he lacked was practice, and experience with a biblically functioning local church.
In Georgia, we learned how a local church should function. (To this day we hold Peachtree Baptist up as an example of how a church should function, and recommend their college/seminary to every young person who asks our opinion--and to some who don't ;) .) We spent five years there, during which time Tom preached in the jails, in the nursing home, and in chapel services at the Christian day school. He also taught high school math and science in the school, and learned definitely that teaching math and science was NOT what he was to do. Sometimes he also taught the adult Sunday school class.
By the time we left Georgia, we had developed a burden for church planting, and were ready to head for Canada to work with Native Peoples. The Lord had a round-about way of getting us to Canada, however. First we went to Ohio to work with Tom's home church. That did not go well, so we moved to Texas. From there we were sent to New York state, where we tried to start a church. This door did not open up for us, though we tried to keep at it, praying all the while for God to give us direction. In answer, God used a can of beer in a Walmart parking lot to lead us to the church where we now are, in Canada. (We are not specifically working with Native Peoples, but there is a reservation nearby, for which we are praying.)
On September 3, 2000, Tom preached his first sermon as pastor of Calvary Baptist Church, thus fulfilling Number Three on my list.
"The LORD hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad" (Psalm 126:3).
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Pictures of us, 20 years ago (Part Eight)
This is Tom and me in my grandma's apartment, probably sometime in July, 1986. My dad was candidating at a church nearby, and we went along for the ride. At that church there was a little girl named Abby, who called us "the twenty-year-old woman and the thirty-year-old man."
We were married Thanks- giving Day, 1986, at home. My parents were scheduled to move over Christmas that same year, so we were not able to have a church wedding. I didn't really care; a marriage is more important than a wedding, anyway.Pictured with us are (left to right) my Grandma Rudisill (Dad's mom), my Grandma Caulk (Mom's mom), and Tom's mother, Marie. By coincidence they all wore blue dresses, which looked really nice.
I'd like to know who started this custom, and why! Here we bow to tradition, and feed each other cake. However, we did NOT smear it on each other, like my brother did at his wedding.My mom made the cakes. We also had turkey casserole and cranberry salad, since it was Thanksgiving. I don't remember if we had pumpkin pie, but we did get a couple of pecan pies as a gift from a lady in my church.
Notice Tom's suit jacket. It's the same one he wore for his high school graduation pictures, 10 years before our wedding! I made my dress, and my mom made my veil.
Hopefully I'll have more pictures soon, along with a post about my thoughts on courtship, dating, and matchmaking. Stay tuned.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
August 1986 -- "We were like them that dream" (Part Seven)
The Announcement was made one night during the August conference at Maranatha. My dad stood on a chair in the fellowship hall after the service, raised his hands, and in a loud voice said, "May I have your attention please?"
Normally, when my dad says that, everyone gets quiet and waits for some important announcement. Then, when everyone's looking at him, my dad will say, "Thank you. I just love attention." And then he will get off the chair and go back to whatever he was doing before. You have to know my dad. He is never annoying or egotistical. Things like that usually only make him more lovable.
This time, though, he said, "Someone else wants your attention." He then looked at us, expecting Tom to explain. Tom was not really prepared for this, but he managed to make The Announcement. We got a lot of applause, congrats, hugs, well-wishes, that kind of thing. And a bit of ribbing and teasing, too.
Later, though, some people suggested to my mom that wasn't this a bit sudden? Didn't we need time to get to know each other better? My mom just quietly referred them to Isaac and Rebekah, who had never even seen each other until the day they married. Rebekah Walker's dad, Pat Horner, puts it this way:
Short thoughts on courtship and marriage...how long does "courtship" last?
Taken from the biblical account of Isaac and Rebekah--
1. Help her get off the camel.
2. Say I do.
3. Take her into the tent.
Is it the Lord's will for me to be with this person? If the answer is yes, then marry them already!!!
Our thoughts, exactly. Tom observed that we had a lifetime to "get to know each other." We knew enough to get married on; the rest would come later.
In the very first post of this series, I quoted Psalm 126. The first verse says, "When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream." In a later post, I noted the spiritual depression Tom went through, which was a direct result of his saying NO to God. He says that when he said NO, all the lights went out. After he said YES, all the lights came back on, and the very first blessing God gave him was me (see Proverbs 18:22). After years of praying for a wife, God granted his request as Tom yielded to His will. God had turned the captivity back in Tom's life, opening up a whole new life of blessing.
For me, the "captivity" was singleness. A fellow college student had told me that before God would give me a husband, I would have to be willing to be single, perhaps for life. But I just couldn't accept that. I was definitely NOT willing to be single the rest of my life! I struggled a lot then with what God might require of me. I had to learn the truth of Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." I did not need to resign myself to a life of singleness in order to be "rewarded" with marriage. I only needed to have the Lord as my soul's delight. My primary focus had to be on Him, not on marriage. Once I stopped trying to "find someone" and learned to wait on God's timing, He gave me Tom.
to be continued. . .
Normally, when my dad says that, everyone gets quiet and waits for some important announcement. Then, when everyone's looking at him, my dad will say, "Thank you. I just love attention." And then he will get off the chair and go back to whatever he was doing before. You have to know my dad. He is never annoying or egotistical. Things like that usually only make him more lovable.
This time, though, he said, "Someone else wants your attention." He then looked at us, expecting Tom to explain. Tom was not really prepared for this, but he managed to make The Announcement. We got a lot of applause, congrats, hugs, well-wishes, that kind of thing. And a bit of ribbing and teasing, too.
Later, though, some people suggested to my mom that wasn't this a bit sudden? Didn't we need time to get to know each other better? My mom just quietly referred them to Isaac and Rebekah, who had never even seen each other until the day they married. Rebekah Walker's dad, Pat Horner, puts it this way:
Short thoughts on courtship and marriage...how long does "courtship" last?
Taken from the biblical account of Isaac and Rebekah--
1. Help her get off the camel.
2. Say I do.
3. Take her into the tent.
Is it the Lord's will for me to be with this person? If the answer is yes, then marry them already!!!
Our thoughts, exactly. Tom observed that we had a lifetime to "get to know each other." We knew enough to get married on; the rest would come later.
In the very first post of this series, I quoted Psalm 126. The first verse says, "When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream." In a later post, I noted the spiritual depression Tom went through, which was a direct result of his saying NO to God. He says that when he said NO, all the lights went out. After he said YES, all the lights came back on, and the very first blessing God gave him was me (see Proverbs 18:22). After years of praying for a wife, God granted his request as Tom yielded to His will. God had turned the captivity back in Tom's life, opening up a whole new life of blessing.
For me, the "captivity" was singleness. A fellow college student had told me that before God would give me a husband, I would have to be willing to be single, perhaps for life. But I just couldn't accept that. I was definitely NOT willing to be single the rest of my life! I struggled a lot then with what God might require of me. I had to learn the truth of Psalm 37:4, "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." I did not need to resign myself to a life of singleness in order to be "rewarded" with marriage. I only needed to have the Lord as my soul's delight. My primary focus had to be on Him, not on marriage. Once I stopped trying to "find someone" and learned to wait on God's timing, He gave me Tom.
to be continued. . .
Monday, December 11, 2006
July 1986 -- "You'd better take good care of her!" (Part Six)
For those of you who have been following this story, I apologize for taking so long to come back to it. My two oldest sons have taken over my computer. For you who are new, I suggest clicking "My courtship and marriage" on the sidebar to get the beginning of this story.
I came home from my aunt's house 100 per cent positive that my being with Tom was of the Lord, and I was ready to follow Tom's lead in how this "relationship" progressed. I put "relationship" in quotes partly because I don't really like that word (it implies more than friendship, but not necessarily long-term commitment). Also, words like "relationship" and "courtship" were not common buzzwords then. I didn't like calling Tom my "boyfriend" either, since that also did not suggest long-term commitment. So I just didn't bother with labels; instead, I concentrated on making sure I was ready for marriage, in case that's where this led (and I was pretty certain it would).
I started working at the camp, volunteering my time. I was able to be at all the camp services, and fellowship with people I'd known half my life. Since Tom was on vacation at the time, he came to stay at the camp, and we spent a lot of time together. It was at this time, I think, that I learned that Tom and I had played ping-pong the year before. I was shocked. I had absolutely no memory of it at all. They said I beat him soundly, and kept asking if Tom had gotten any practice since then, in order to beat me this year. Even Tom was teasing me about it! Apparently I was so adamantly opposed to the very idea of having anything to do with him that I completely blocked it out of my memory.
We became engaged one night during the second week of July, 1986. We were sitting on a bridge in the little village up from the camp, talking about this and that. Tom was silent for a few minutes, and I asked him what he was thinking. He said he was wondering if it was too premature to ask me to marry him! I told him I was willing, but he would have to ask my dad. We decided not to say anything to anyone until then. Meanwhile, we continued to get to know each other through conversation, studying Ephesians, and watching each other interact with others in different situations.
Tom and I met with my parents the next week, I think. The four of us sat together on the floor of my parents' large bedroom and talked things through. Tom had a lot of questions to answer, and we had details to work out. I think we talked for well over an hour. When we were finished, and had my parents' blessing, we went downstairs to tell my grandmother. She hugged us both, and with tears of happiness in her eyes, she wagged her finger at Tom and said,
"You'd better take good care of her!"
to be continued. . .
I came home from my aunt's house 100 per cent positive that my being with Tom was of the Lord, and I was ready to follow Tom's lead in how this "relationship" progressed. I put "relationship" in quotes partly because I don't really like that word (it implies more than friendship, but not necessarily long-term commitment). Also, words like "relationship" and "courtship" were not common buzzwords then. I didn't like calling Tom my "boyfriend" either, since that also did not suggest long-term commitment. So I just didn't bother with labels; instead, I concentrated on making sure I was ready for marriage, in case that's where this led (and I was pretty certain it would).
I started working at the camp, volunteering my time. I was able to be at all the camp services, and fellowship with people I'd known half my life. Since Tom was on vacation at the time, he came to stay at the camp, and we spent a lot of time together. It was at this time, I think, that I learned that Tom and I had played ping-pong the year before. I was shocked. I had absolutely no memory of it at all. They said I beat him soundly, and kept asking if Tom had gotten any practice since then, in order to beat me this year. Even Tom was teasing me about it! Apparently I was so adamantly opposed to the very idea of having anything to do with him that I completely blocked it out of my memory.
We became engaged one night during the second week of July, 1986. We were sitting on a bridge in the little village up from the camp, talking about this and that. Tom was silent for a few minutes, and I asked him what he was thinking. He said he was wondering if it was too premature to ask me to marry him! I told him I was willing, but he would have to ask my dad. We decided not to say anything to anyone until then. Meanwhile, we continued to get to know each other through conversation, studying Ephesians, and watching each other interact with others in different situations.
Tom and I met with my parents the next week, I think. The four of us sat together on the floor of my parents' large bedroom and talked things through. Tom had a lot of questions to answer, and we had details to work out. I think we talked for well over an hour. When we were finished, and had my parents' blessing, we went downstairs to tell my grandmother. She hugged us both, and with tears of happiness in her eyes, she wagged her finger at Tom and said,
"You'd better take good care of her!"
to be continued. . .
Thursday, November 30, 2006
June 1986 -- First date and its aftermath (Part Five)
I was eating supper with my parents one Wednesday evening when the phone rang. Somehow I knew who it was, and thought it would be better if I answered it. I really can't remember much of the conversation (which lasted maybe ten minutes), but I distinctly remember the exchange between my parents:
Dad: "Who's she talking to?"
Mom: "I think it's Tom."
Dad: "What's he calling her for?"
What Mom's answer was, I can't remember. Tom asked me out for that Friday night, and we agreed not to tell Mr. Bill what we were doing, just to get back for all his pestering! That Friday we went to Dairy Queen. I got an Oreo blizzard, and he got a raspberry shake. I found out later that he's not really all that wild about ice cream, but we were pretty limited on restaurant choices since we didn't want a full meal.
Two things stand out in my memory:
1. I wanted to verify his age and tell him mine without actually coming right out and saying, "I'm 20. How old are you?" By this time I didn't care, but I wondered if he would.
2. While waiting in line for our order, I saw a woman who was part of the faculty at my high school. She said hi and glanced significantly at Tom. I said hi, but did not introduce Tom. I felt this was rather rude of me, but I didn't know what to say about him. He wasn't exactly my boyfriend, but if I said, "This is my friend, Tom," she would probably assume he was my boyfriend. So I just didn't say anything.
That night, I went to bed thinking, "I just went out with the man who will be my husband."
The next morning I listened to a tape with a song called, "Except the Lord build the house." Suddenly I wasn't so sure, and thought I had better make sure this thing was of the Lord. My mom had planned to have Tom over with Mr. Bill's family, for Sunday dinner. I really didn't know what to do or how to act. I started feeling pressured, and needed time and space to think.
My brother and his wife-to-be were in for a visit, so that took some of the attention off me. In church that morning, I managed to avoid Tom by surrounding myself with all my "little sisters"--a small group of young girls in our church who looked to me as sort of a mentor. I sat with them during the service, and spent extra time talking with them afterward.
At home it was harder. I decided the best course of action was to make myself undesirable and unavailable. I changed into an old pair of jeans, an old plaid shirt, and went barefoot. When our guests arrived, I took the kids down to the creek that ran through the woods behind our house. I was trying to get away from Tom, but he followed us! I was a bit irritated by this, and refused to speak to him for the rest of the afternoon.
After our guests left, my brother says to me, "Well, I guess that's over," referring to my "friendship" with Tom. That wasn't what I had in mind! I suddenly saw how rude I had been, so I asked my parents if I could call him, and arrange to talk to him before the evening service.
Later, I found out that Tom had taken the hint, and decided not to push it with me. He thought I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, and was quite a bit disappointed and hurt. So when I called him, I unconsciously gave him back his hope, and he agreed to talk.
We went for a walk, and talked things over. I apologized for giving him the cold shoulder, explaining that I felt pressured into something I wasn't ready for, and felt things were happening too fast. He replied that there would be no pressure, that he just wanted to get to know me as friends. At that, my heart sort of sank, and I realized that I wanted to be more than friends.
Oh, how fickle we females can be! I didn't want to even consider him at first. Then I liked him, and wondered if he would like me. Then I "knew" he was the man for me, for life. Then I didn't want to be anywhere near him. Then I only wanted to be friends, but when he said friends was fine, I suddenly wanted more! I was all mixed up, and didn't know what to do, or say, or think. So it was with a sense of relief that I went away for a week to visit my aunt's family.
to be continued. . .
Dad: "Who's she talking to?"
Mom: "I think it's Tom."
Dad: "What's he calling her for?"
What Mom's answer was, I can't remember. Tom asked me out for that Friday night, and we agreed not to tell Mr. Bill what we were doing, just to get back for all his pestering! That Friday we went to Dairy Queen. I got an Oreo blizzard, and he got a raspberry shake. I found out later that he's not really all that wild about ice cream, but we were pretty limited on restaurant choices since we didn't want a full meal.
Two things stand out in my memory:
1. I wanted to verify his age and tell him mine without actually coming right out and saying, "I'm 20. How old are you?" By this time I didn't care, but I wondered if he would.
2. While waiting in line for our order, I saw a woman who was part of the faculty at my high school. She said hi and glanced significantly at Tom. I said hi, but did not introduce Tom. I felt this was rather rude of me, but I didn't know what to say about him. He wasn't exactly my boyfriend, but if I said, "This is my friend, Tom," she would probably assume he was my boyfriend. So I just didn't say anything.
That night, I went to bed thinking, "I just went out with the man who will be my husband."
The next morning I listened to a tape with a song called, "Except the Lord build the house." Suddenly I wasn't so sure, and thought I had better make sure this thing was of the Lord. My mom had planned to have Tom over with Mr. Bill's family, for Sunday dinner. I really didn't know what to do or how to act. I started feeling pressured, and needed time and space to think.
My brother and his wife-to-be were in for a visit, so that took some of the attention off me. In church that morning, I managed to avoid Tom by surrounding myself with all my "little sisters"--a small group of young girls in our church who looked to me as sort of a mentor. I sat with them during the service, and spent extra time talking with them afterward.
At home it was harder. I decided the best course of action was to make myself undesirable and unavailable. I changed into an old pair of jeans, an old plaid shirt, and went barefoot. When our guests arrived, I took the kids down to the creek that ran through the woods behind our house. I was trying to get away from Tom, but he followed us! I was a bit irritated by this, and refused to speak to him for the rest of the afternoon.
After our guests left, my brother says to me, "Well, I guess that's over," referring to my "friendship" with Tom. That wasn't what I had in mind! I suddenly saw how rude I had been, so I asked my parents if I could call him, and arrange to talk to him before the evening service.
Later, I found out that Tom had taken the hint, and decided not to push it with me. He thought I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, and was quite a bit disappointed and hurt. So when I called him, I unconsciously gave him back his hope, and he agreed to talk.
We went for a walk, and talked things over. I apologized for giving him the cold shoulder, explaining that I felt pressured into something I wasn't ready for, and felt things were happening too fast. He replied that there would be no pressure, that he just wanted to get to know me as friends. At that, my heart sort of sank, and I realized that I wanted to be more than friends.
Oh, how fickle we females can be! I didn't want to even consider him at first. Then I liked him, and wondered if he would like me. Then I "knew" he was the man for me, for life. Then I didn't want to be anywhere near him. Then I only wanted to be friends, but when he said friends was fine, I suddenly wanted more! I was all mixed up, and didn't know what to do, or say, or think. So it was with a sense of relief that I went away for a week to visit my aunt's family.
to be continued. . .
Monday, November 27, 2006
June 1986 -- The conspiracy (Part Four)
Despite Tom's longing for a wife, he wasn't seriously looking for one. He'd been turned down too many times and just didn't want to risk it anymore. A lot of people looking on resented Mr. Bill's intrusion on our private lives. They said it wasn't his business, but I believe the hand of God was in this. Neither one of us would have done a thing to get this romance going without Mr. Bill nudging us along. So the conspiracy began.
Mr. Bill began talking to Tom about my virtues, but Tom was a bit hesitant. He knew I was much younger, and really didn't think I'd go for him. On that work day at the camp, he was looking me over in a wistful, I'll-never-get-her sort of way, and I was looking him over in a wistful, he'll-never-be-interested-in-me sort of way. Mr. Bill and his wife were looking at us both and plotting ways to get us together. Here are some of the ways they did that:
**They took me to see Tom's bookstore in Ohio. I got the grand tour, including the basement apartment Tom used to live in, and the upstairs apartment where he lived at that time. Mr. Bill's wife remarked that she had never seen the apartment so clean before. I thought the place was terribly dusty, and that the man needed a wife. Tom watched me work a little puzzle he'd been working on for months--one of those puzzles where you have to arrange small objects that are enclosed in a clear plastic box, by moving the box around to slide the objects into place. I solved it in a matter of minutes, put the thing down, and moved on. He was stunned.
**They took me to Tom's church, where he was to teach the adult Sunday school class for one Sunday morning. But first, they took us both to the store to buy Tom's first tie. He'd always worn jeans and flannel shirts to church before, but they told him he'd need a dress shirt and tie to teach the class. He didn't have one, so Mr. Bill's wife and I picked one out for him. After church that day, we went to dinner at the pastor's house. I was sitting out on the porch talking to the pastor's two kids when Tom came out and sat down on the other side of the door from me. In a few minutes, both kids sort of disappeared, leaving Tom and me alone. I am convinced their parents somehow had a part in this, since they were just as eager as Mr. Bill and his wife to see us get together. We found out later that while we were awkwardly trying to make conversation, the four of them were inside discussing us.
**They took us to dinner at a steak house restaurant. They also arranged the seating so that Tom and I sat next to each other. When Tom shook the steak sauce bottle before using it, the lid flew off and he shook steak sauce all over me! Poor Tom was badly embarrassed, but I just laughed it off. Of course, Mr. Bill and his family thought it was hilarious.
Through these and other similar outings, Mr. Bill helped us get to know each other. But he couldn't keep nudging us forever! So he says to me, "If Tom asked you out, would you go with him?" I answered that I would, but that Tom would have to do the asking. I was not going to initiate things myself. So then the following phone conversation took place between Mr. Bill and Tom:
"Why don't you ask Cathy out?"
"I don't think she'd go with me."
"I think she would. Just ask her."
"Oh, I don't know."
"You're going to have to ask her yourself, though. She's an old-fashioned kind of girl, and isn't going to ask you herself."
"Well, maybe I will. I'll think about it."
"Do you have her phone number?"
"Probably. I'll see."
"Here it is. Write it down."
So Tom wrote it down. But it took him a few days to get his courage up.
to be continued. . .
Mr. Bill began talking to Tom about my virtues, but Tom was a bit hesitant. He knew I was much younger, and really didn't think I'd go for him. On that work day at the camp, he was looking me over in a wistful, I'll-never-get-her sort of way, and I was looking him over in a wistful, he'll-never-be-interested-in-me sort of way. Mr. Bill and his wife were looking at us both and plotting ways to get us together. Here are some of the ways they did that:
**They took me to see Tom's bookstore in Ohio. I got the grand tour, including the basement apartment Tom used to live in, and the upstairs apartment where he lived at that time. Mr. Bill's wife remarked that she had never seen the apartment so clean before. I thought the place was terribly dusty, and that the man needed a wife. Tom watched me work a little puzzle he'd been working on for months--one of those puzzles where you have to arrange small objects that are enclosed in a clear plastic box, by moving the box around to slide the objects into place. I solved it in a matter of minutes, put the thing down, and moved on. He was stunned.
**They took me to Tom's church, where he was to teach the adult Sunday school class for one Sunday morning. But first, they took us both to the store to buy Tom's first tie. He'd always worn jeans and flannel shirts to church before, but they told him he'd need a dress shirt and tie to teach the class. He didn't have one, so Mr. Bill's wife and I picked one out for him. After church that day, we went to dinner at the pastor's house. I was sitting out on the porch talking to the pastor's two kids when Tom came out and sat down on the other side of the door from me. In a few minutes, both kids sort of disappeared, leaving Tom and me alone. I am convinced their parents somehow had a part in this, since they were just as eager as Mr. Bill and his wife to see us get together. We found out later that while we were awkwardly trying to make conversation, the four of them were inside discussing us.
**They took us to dinner at a steak house restaurant. They also arranged the seating so that Tom and I sat next to each other. When Tom shook the steak sauce bottle before using it, the lid flew off and he shook steak sauce all over me! Poor Tom was badly embarrassed, but I just laughed it off. Of course, Mr. Bill and his family thought it was hilarious.
Through these and other similar outings, Mr. Bill helped us get to know each other. But he couldn't keep nudging us forever! So he says to me, "If Tom asked you out, would you go with him?" I answered that I would, but that Tom would have to do the asking. I was not going to initiate things myself. So then the following phone conversation took place between Mr. Bill and Tom:
"Why don't you ask Cathy out?"
"I don't think she'd go with me."
"I think she would. Just ask her."
"Oh, I don't know."
"You're going to have to ask her yourself, though. She's an old-fashioned kind of girl, and isn't going to ask you herself."
"Well, maybe I will. I'll think about it."
"Do you have her phone number?"
"Probably. I'll see."
"Here it is. Write it down."
So Tom wrote it down. But it took him a few days to get his courage up.
to be continued. . .
Saturday, November 25, 2006
May, 1986 (Part Three)
I realize that this is a holiday weekend in the States, so if you haven't been here since Wednesday, you'll want to scroll down a bit to get to the beginning of this story. Or click on "My courtship and marriage" in the sidebar.
In May, 1986, some major things were settled in my life. First, God convicted me about not being baptized. My pastor in Indiana (where I was attending college) was willing to do this, but I knew I needed to take care of this in my home church. You can read about that in my testimony.
The second major thing is more relevant to this story: God finally gave me the peace and assurance that I was to quit college. I had been waiting for this for a long time. He made it clear to me that I was to go home, live with my parents, and wait till He brought to me the man He wanted me to marry. I could almost feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders as I packed my bags and went home. Such a relief! Now to break the news to my dad.
Actually, my dad took it well. (My mom often says that if I tell him something, he listens. I guess that's one of the benefits of being the baby in the family. ;) ) He really didn't have a big problem with my staying home and working with them in the ministry. He was seriously considering moving and taking the pastorate of another church, and was glad that I was willing to go along.
Word got out that I was not going back to college, and one morning I had visitors. Remember those friends Tom would visit, the ones who were caretakers of the camp? Well there they were. And they didn't waste time with small talk. They were a couple on a mission. As I poured water for them to drink, Mr. Bill started in:
"We heard you were quitting college."
"Yes," I answered.
"We want to know why. People are saying things, but we thought we'd get it straight from you."
Well, I appreciated that. Nothing beats gossip like going to the source. I told them that God wanted me to stay home and wait till He brought me the man He wanted me to marry.
"Well, we've got one for you."
Right away I knew who they were talking about--Tom. I smiled, shook my head, and said, "No, thanks. I don't think so."
Mr. Bill wasn't ready to give up yet. He said, "We're having a workday at the camp this Saturday. Tom will be there. Why don't you come and just look him over, and see what happens?"
Great, I thought. I had already planned to be there. Now the day would be ruined by these two people trying to set something up for us. I just knew they'd be watching us. ARRGGG!
The day came, and I managed to stay far enough away from the men so that I didn't even see Tom. Until lunch time. Mr. Bill's wife sent me out to tell the men lunch was ready. I walked into the area where they were working, and the first person I saw was Tom. Our eyes met as I told them lunch was ready. Then I tried to go back to being my normal self, but it was too late. Something had changed, and nothing would ever be the same. I was looking at a completely different Tom Newton than the one I had seen the year before.
He had grown a beard, he had a pleasant face, and I noticed his eyes were blue. I was hooked.
to be continued. . .
In May, 1986, some major things were settled in my life. First, God convicted me about not being baptized. My pastor in Indiana (where I was attending college) was willing to do this, but I knew I needed to take care of this in my home church. You can read about that in my testimony.
The second major thing is more relevant to this story: God finally gave me the peace and assurance that I was to quit college. I had been waiting for this for a long time. He made it clear to me that I was to go home, live with my parents, and wait till He brought to me the man He wanted me to marry. I could almost feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders as I packed my bags and went home. Such a relief! Now to break the news to my dad.
Actually, my dad took it well. (My mom often says that if I tell him something, he listens. I guess that's one of the benefits of being the baby in the family. ;) ) He really didn't have a big problem with my staying home and working with them in the ministry. He was seriously considering moving and taking the pastorate of another church, and was glad that I was willing to go along.
Word got out that I was not going back to college, and one morning I had visitors. Remember those friends Tom would visit, the ones who were caretakers of the camp? Well there they were. And they didn't waste time with small talk. They were a couple on a mission. As I poured water for them to drink, Mr. Bill started in:
"We heard you were quitting college."
"Yes," I answered.
"We want to know why. People are saying things, but we thought we'd get it straight from you."
Well, I appreciated that. Nothing beats gossip like going to the source. I told them that God wanted me to stay home and wait till He brought me the man He wanted me to marry.
"Well, we've got one for you."
Right away I knew who they were talking about--Tom. I smiled, shook my head, and said, "No, thanks. I don't think so."
Mr. Bill wasn't ready to give up yet. He said, "We're having a workday at the camp this Saturday. Tom will be there. Why don't you come and just look him over, and see what happens?"
Great, I thought. I had already planned to be there. Now the day would be ruined by these two people trying to set something up for us. I just knew they'd be watching us. ARRGGG!
The day came, and I managed to stay far enough away from the men so that I didn't even see Tom. Until lunch time. Mr. Bill's wife sent me out to tell the men lunch was ready. I walked into the area where they were working, and the first person I saw was Tom. Our eyes met as I told them lunch was ready. Then I tried to go back to being my normal self, but it was too late. Something had changed, and nothing would ever be the same. I was looking at a completely different Tom Newton than the one I had seen the year before.
He had grown a beard, he had a pleasant face, and I noticed his eyes were blue. I was hooked.
to be continued. . .
Friday, November 24, 2006
Summer, 1985 (Part Two)
I had just come home for the summer, after my first full year of college. I had learned by sad, sorry experience that there are guys who just want to use you, who don't know what "commitment" means, who just want a good time, and who dump you for no other reason than that they are done with you and want to move on. I was through "looking." I had never heard of the courtship ideals that are currently sweeping through today's youth culture, but I knew there had to be a better way.
I never really wanted to go to college. All the focus of my childhood dreams and aspirations centered on my longing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Those desires only intensified during my college years. I was in training for a career in teaching, when all I really wanted was to be the mistress of my own home, serving God along side a man whose one desire would be to serve God in full-time ministry. During my first three semesters of college, I tried--and was burned by--the dating scene. I decided that college, for me, was no place to find a husband. Granted, many good marriages have had their beginnings in some college or university, but that wasn't the way mine was going to start.
So one Sunday afternoon, there I sat on the floor of my bedroom, making a list of all the characteristics I was looking for in a husband. When I was finished, I put the spiral-bound steno pad away in a box and went for a walk. To this day I think I could tell you which hill I was climbing as I prayed, "Lord, I'm through looking for a husband. You bring to me the one You want me to have."
I continued to walk and pray until I reached the grounds of Camp Maranatha, the church camp in western Pennsylvania where I had spent all my summers from the time I was eleven years old, either as a camper or a kitchen worker. I loved that place! It was seven miles from my house, but I walked or rode my bike there often. On this particular Sunday afternoon, I walked into the caretakers' house to visit. The family living there were members of our church. They were from Ohio, and had a friend from Ohio visiting with them that afternoon. I walked into their living room, and the first person I saw was this friend of their's, named Tom Newton. Immediately, my first thought was, "No, Lord. Not him."
Tom Newton grew up in Ohio, in what he calls a totally pagan home. (I've told him he can't call it that anymore, since paganism today refers to a form of neo-witchcraft.) His was a family that not only knew not God, but were totally antagonistic toward even the idea of ever knowing God. The Newton name was well known in that area -- the whole lot of them were blasphemous drunkards and proud of it. Tom's chief goal in life was to be a rock star, so off he went to the WonderWorld of Los Angeles with dreams of making it big. He and his best friend aspired to be none other than the next Black Sabbath, with all their fame, fortune, and immorality.
You can read Tom's testimony here. God put a stop to all that, saved Tom out of all that muck and mire, set his feet upon the Rock of Christ, and established his goings. Now he was back in Ohio, co-owner of a Christian book store called "The Old-Time Gospel Bookstore," single, and longing for a wife. But there was something wrong here. God called upon him to do a certain thing which he determined never to do. Like Jonah of old, he turned from God and went in the opposite direction. He departed from the faith and wrote himself off as an infidel who had committed the unpardonable sin. Plunged into deep spiritual depression, he went through life hopelessly, wanting to die, yet being afraid to die.
You can't live that way very long without it showing on your countenance. Tom did not look good at all. This is what I somehow sensed when I saw him on my friends' couch that Sunday afternoon, and this is why I wanted nothing to do with him. Besides, he was too old--29, and I was 19.
So when I said, "No, Lord. Not him," I think He said, "Just you wait. I'm not finished with him yet. You go away for another year, and leave him to Me." Of course, God didn't say that out loud. I don't think I would have listened if He had. There were too many other fish in the sea.
Anyway, I went back to college that fall, and Tom went back to whatever. But he kept coming back to his friends' house, and attending my church, where my dad was the pastor. I was plodding impatiently along in college in Tennessee and later Indiana while my mom had Tom and his friends over for Sunday dinners. While I was struggling with pretending to be a good student when all I wanted was to get away from schooling altogether, my dad was patiently working with Tom, slowly bringing him out of his depression, never dreaming that he was counseling the man who would one day be the father of nine of his grandchildren.
More in the next post.
Cathy
I never really wanted to go to college. All the focus of my childhood dreams and aspirations centered on my longing to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Those desires only intensified during my college years. I was in training for a career in teaching, when all I really wanted was to be the mistress of my own home, serving God along side a man whose one desire would be to serve God in full-time ministry. During my first three semesters of college, I tried--and was burned by--the dating scene. I decided that college, for me, was no place to find a husband. Granted, many good marriages have had their beginnings in some college or university, but that wasn't the way mine was going to start.
So one Sunday afternoon, there I sat on the floor of my bedroom, making a list of all the characteristics I was looking for in a husband. When I was finished, I put the spiral-bound steno pad away in a box and went for a walk. To this day I think I could tell you which hill I was climbing as I prayed, "Lord, I'm through looking for a husband. You bring to me the one You want me to have."
I continued to walk and pray until I reached the grounds of Camp Maranatha, the church camp in western Pennsylvania where I had spent all my summers from the time I was eleven years old, either as a camper or a kitchen worker. I loved that place! It was seven miles from my house, but I walked or rode my bike there often. On this particular Sunday afternoon, I walked into the caretakers' house to visit. The family living there were members of our church. They were from Ohio, and had a friend from Ohio visiting with them that afternoon. I walked into their living room, and the first person I saw was this friend of their's, named Tom Newton. Immediately, my first thought was, "No, Lord. Not him."
Tom Newton grew up in Ohio, in what he calls a totally pagan home. (I've told him he can't call it that anymore, since paganism today refers to a form of neo-witchcraft.) His was a family that not only knew not God, but were totally antagonistic toward even the idea of ever knowing God. The Newton name was well known in that area -- the whole lot of them were blasphemous drunkards and proud of it. Tom's chief goal in life was to be a rock star, so off he went to the WonderWorld of Los Angeles with dreams of making it big. He and his best friend aspired to be none other than the next Black Sabbath, with all their fame, fortune, and immorality.
You can read Tom's testimony here. God put a stop to all that, saved Tom out of all that muck and mire, set his feet upon the Rock of Christ, and established his goings. Now he was back in Ohio, co-owner of a Christian book store called "The Old-Time Gospel Bookstore," single, and longing for a wife. But there was something wrong here. God called upon him to do a certain thing which he determined never to do. Like Jonah of old, he turned from God and went in the opposite direction. He departed from the faith and wrote himself off as an infidel who had committed the unpardonable sin. Plunged into deep spiritual depression, he went through life hopelessly, wanting to die, yet being afraid to die.
You can't live that way very long without it showing on your countenance. Tom did not look good at all. This is what I somehow sensed when I saw him on my friends' couch that Sunday afternoon, and this is why I wanted nothing to do with him. Besides, he was too old--29, and I was 19.
So when I said, "No, Lord. Not him," I think He said, "Just you wait. I'm not finished with him yet. You go away for another year, and leave him to Me." Of course, God didn't say that out loud. I don't think I would have listened if He had. There were too many other fish in the sea.
Anyway, I went back to college that fall, and Tom went back to whatever. But he kept coming back to his friends' house, and attending my church, where my dad was the pastor. I was plodding impatiently along in college in Tennessee and later Indiana while my mom had Tom and his friends over for Sunday dinners. While I was struggling with pretending to be a good student when all I wanted was to get away from schooling altogether, my dad was patiently working with Tom, slowly bringing him out of his depression, never dreaming that he was counseling the man who would one day be the father of nine of his grandchildren.
More in the next post.
Cathy
Thursday, November 23, 2006
20 years (Part One of My courtship and marriage)
Psalm 126
A Song of degrees.
When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion,
we were like them that dream.
Then was our mouth filled with laughter,
and our tongue with singing:
then said they among the heathen,
The LORD hath done great things for them.
The LORD hath done great things for us;
whereof we are glad.
Turn again our captivity, O LORD,
as the streams in the south.
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
He that goeth forth and weepeth,
bearing precious seed,
shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
bringing his sheaves with him.
Today is Thanksgiving Day in the United States. It is also my wedding anniversary. Tom and I were married on Thanksgiving Day, 1986. Since then we have completely ignored the actually date (which was November 27) and celebrated our anniversary on Thanksgiving Day. It is truly a day to give thanks to God for his unspeakable grace in our lives.The Psalm above was read at our wedding. The week we were engaged, Pastor David Dickerson preached from this psalm at Maranatha, a Christian camp in western Pennsylvania where Tom and I met. Since then that Psalm has meant a lot to us. I'll explain why in the next post, when I tell you about events leading up to our courtship.
I'll also try to have some pictures from twenty years ago, as soon as I can find the box the photo albums are packed in. I had the children looking for it yesterday, but no one could find it. I was going to look for it myself today, but Tom just informed me that I am to pack my overnight bags; we are leaving as soon as he gets the van ready. I have no idea where we are going.
Pearl
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